When A New Year Approaches, Change Is Coming
As another year comes to an end, a lot of moms are watching the last years of high school for their children pass them by. We are entering a new chapter of our lives when we are becoming "confidants" and putting away our "mommy" hats. That's not to say you are not their mom in those really hard times, but it's time to let them decide those grown up decisions by themselves. This is necessary if they have moved far away and they can't run home every time something happens. However, if your child stays local or even decides to stay home and go to school locally, you need to force yourself to let them make their own decisions (and their own beds!!) It's a transition that is important for them and for you. That next step into adulthood can't happen if you don’t let them fail or fall occasionally. I see a trend with parents now where the children who are getting ready to turn 18 haven't ever been by themselves, know how to drive a car, or are so afraid of doing something as simple as making a dentist appointment, that they cry until their parent does it for them. They don’t want to be alone because they have never been alone. There is no growth without suffering.
I love seeing families that are loving and close, but I fear for the adult child who can't maneuver through the world. We are ALL meant to change and grow during each season of our lives! That means you too. The only way to make your child grow into a thriving adult is to show them the confidence and believe in them in a way that encourages them to take chances. Do that thing that sometimes scares you (like being alone) and knowing that you can survive! It is similar to when they were babies and you had to teach them to comfort themselves back to sleep, or walk or talk! All new chapters in their lives, and this new chapter will be just as rewarding!
Hi, I’m Phylis Mantelli
I’m an author, speaker, and life coach to unmothered women based in the Bay Area of California. On this blog, you will read about encouragement, family life, coaching, and my podcast. Learn more about me.
As I have watched my girls grow into beautiful young women and my oldest now a wife and a mom, I realize that my role is to wait for them to need me. I don't need to be intruding in their lives every day, unless of course they need me for a specific reason; like asking for my help with decorating a new apartment or helping to organize something, or babysitting! It is also rewarding in that once they reach their 20's you can actually now be a friend to them! That is the fun part! They will have a newfound respect for you and the things they took for granted when they were home and now have to do those things on their own. It's not a time when you break away and think that they won't need you anymore, just the opposite, they will be calling for advice, recipes, problem solving, etc. and the conversations will be deeper as will the love.
Change is hard, but change is necessary so this next generation can be our bright future and the promise of good things to come~