There I was trying so hard to look like the models of Instagram. Walking along with the tide pulled back from the ocean, I walked toward the water that seemed to be running away from me with each step. As I turned around to walk back up the shore and smile at the camera, I heard the distinct roaring of ocean waves come tumbling right up my new tan boots. Just like that, I was the awkward, clumsy woman that is the reality of my life.
“Who Do You Think You Are, A Princess? Quit daydreaming. You will never be who you think you are going to be. Get used to the real world Missy!”
My mother would squash my dreams often with her cutting words. She couldn’t understand that even in our hard circumstances of life, one could have hope in themselves.Who I felt like was someone who could rise above our circumstances. It was deep inside of me. I couldn’t help it, it was stronger than even a mother’s demeaning words. There was a spirit that wouldn’t give up.
My sleepy eyes glance over at the old school digital clock on my nightstand. It has big glaring numbers that I can read without my glasses in the middle of the night. The time is 3 a.m.
“Not again Lord,” I quietly say in my head. But I’m learning it is useless to try and have a debate with Him. With that I start hearing people’s names being downloaded into my brain. They are people He is asking me to pray for, I call them by name and silently pray for each one that He instructs me to and talk to Him about each one. After awhile, I am lulled back to sleep.
” I don’t want to get a tree since we aren’t going to be here for Christmas!” I cross my arms in a defiant stance.
My husband and daughter look at each other and then look at me and smirk. They know I’m fighting a losing battle. It’s true we won’t be here for Christmas. We are traveling to Southern California to visit my older daughter, husband and grandson for the holidays. However, there are all the other days leading up to Christmas where we will be home and can enjoy a tree.