COURAGE & CONFIDENCE
I sat in the airport waiting for the connecting flight to take me home. It never gets easier. I travel occasionally by myself and I hate it every time. My anxiety gets the best of me, and I find myself scared, shaky, stomach cramps, all of the things you don’t want before a flight.
I have lived in fear most of my life. You would never know it on the outside. I appear confident most of the time, although I’m not afraid to show my vulnerability from time to time. I always had to cover up the fear so I could protect myself from the constant destruction and distractions of my childhood.
So it never occurred to me that I was actually fearful most of the time. That is until this whole writing/speaking opportunity appeared in my life. When I was asked to speak, I was excited at first, but it always followed up with wanting to throw up right before I went up to talk. God would take over and half the time it wasn’t even in my notes the words that were pouring out of my mouth. I felt courageous in that moment.
This last year I was covered in love as my publishing company gave me courage and confidence to begin the journey of publishing my first book. I had two words from last year that God had placed on my heart. They were abundance and blessings. I received both of those from many different friends, coaches, businesses, etc. as I moved forward in my journey. The thing that I couldn’t get past way down deep in my gut was my fear.
Fear binds you. It stops you from completing anything good in your life. It sucks the air out of you and makes you hide in your bed with the covers tightly pulled over your head. It makes you feel like a fake. Like you don’t deserve the good things put in front of you.
So in December I started asking God for two more words for 2019. He laughs gently at me like he always does. The words had been there and were continuing to show up everywhere, In the Bible, in books, on TV, in a magazine, through friends conversations.
Courage and confidence was what I lacked. Not for others; I’m a great defender and will stand up for others. It was me. The more I read about these two words the more I decided this year I will not live in fear any longer. I will courageously continue with confidence that this journey God has me on is my calling. I’m hearing His whispers become shouts of “Go do this for me!”
I got on a plane this week to go visit my daughter and grandson. I was worried because the week before I had a bout with vertigo. As I sat in my seat, I put my ear buds in and played some soft music to settle me and let me meditate. I calmed myself and prayed for a safe flight. Then I leaned back in my seat, took a deep breath and said
“You are courageous and confident. You have a covering of faith. You are not afraid of this anymore.”What makes you fearful? How can you change your mindset today to start believing and doing something different to overcome it?