Saying "I'm Sorry"

There it was. That hurt look in her eye. I knew I had caused it. I knew it because my heart instantly felt stabbed. I tried to recover with more joking, another subject, but the damage was done. I had hurt my friends feelings with my words and actions.

Have you ever had that moment in time when you wish you could catch the words coming out of your mouth mid-air and put them back down your throat? When you could bind your hands from making a gesture, realizing it hardens your heart more than the gesture itself?

More importantly, do you ever go back and make it right? My heart hurt, so I can't imagine the damage it had done to my friend's heart. Years ago, before I had any spiritual basis for my life, I wouldn't have cared. Don't get me wrong, I still would have felt all those feelings, but I wouldn't have done anything about it. Now was different. I knew I had to take responsibility. I made the apology. and graciously it was accepted. Because now we are adults, and should be able to say "I'm sorry."  Not look the other way. hoping a problem will disappear. It will get worse. You will destroy relationships in the process.

My mom would cut my heart out with her words. She would leave me bleeding on the floor with them and walk away. I learned to stitch myself up with my own comforting affirmations and keep trudging on. She didn't apologize because she didn't really know what she had done. She thought she was helping us be tough in this big, bad world that she knew.

Now as an adult, in this fast paced world, we sometimes get too wrapped up in our own small bubble of a life. We just do the same things over and over. We forget about feelings and emotions. I know I do. This was time for me to slow down and think. And pray. I am asking God to please, please help me to listen more. To see another perspective of a person's heart. To be a good friend and just be there. I don't have to have all the answers, but communication has to be a two-way street. Mixed in with understanding. Tossed with some gentleness and patience. People complain about not having any good customer service in companies, but what about the customer service in our personal lives?  Are we nurturing those relationships that connect us to our hearts? Are we giving them the attention it deserves? Do we see their side of things, not just our own?

You would think I would know all these things by now. At my age, I shouldn't have any trouble with relationships. But you would be wrong. I will continue to learn from my mistakes. I exist in a world where things will always not  be not perfect. But I have a faith that teaches and reprimands me to set me on a straight path.

My mom gave me words of affirmation later on in her older years. God knew I needed to hear them. I hold tight to them as they are a special gift to me. Don't let years go by before you make an apology for painful words.  Be careful how you speak. There are many verses in Psalms in the Bible that talks good and bad about the tongue. Using your words to lift up or  using them to be destructive or deceitful.  Choose which one you want to be.

My friend and I are fine. We love each other. We will get through this tough spot as we have other disagreements. We have each other's backs. Mostly because we know the art of forgiveness and the words "I'm sorry."

Where can you improve today when it comes to your speech and how you interact with others?

Is there someone you need to go to and apologize for something you said or did?

Can you stop and think today before you react? Count to 10 silently before you open your mouth to respond.

Use your words to uplift and encourage. Be a giver, not a taker of the heart.