Do You Have Fear?
Well do you? I didn't think I did; at least not the kind of fear that sometimes paralyzes you where you can't get out of bed or just function in your day to day life. I was the girl who always bounced back from any fear, challenge or bet; mostly because growing up I had no other choice. If you were weak, you didn't make it in my family. We were strong Portuguese women and with that also came a lot of situations that were dangerous and had to be made with split second timing, so yeah, I was strong and never fearful.
But then, I started a Bible Study recently that was supposed to heal a past hurt. No problem, I got this I thought to myself as I started it with no fear. After all, I talked to God about this hurt long ago. We had a talk, and He forgave me and I forgave myself. I didn't really want to share it with anyone, but God and me....we were good! So when I went to my first meeting, I was so mad at my body and spirit when as we watched the first video I felt a fear that I hadn't felt since that day. That day when I decided to change my life forever.As I sat in that class, I started to weep, and I got even more mad at myself because I was losing control. But was I ever in control really? Or did I just stuff all this pain for years because secretively I was scared. Scared of people thinking I was a horrible person. Scared that if they found out the mistakes I had made where so huge I could never have respect from anyone again. Just. plain. scared.
But once again, just when I thought I was healed, God revealed how much more work he has to do in me. And that's okay! Because the worst thing that could happen is for me to be afraid and hide and then Satan laughs at my fear. God loves me that much that He is willing to keep doing a work in me to make me fearless, free and at peace! He is THAT BIG!!
So today as I go through the rest of this study week after week I will grow and learn and know that it's okay to be afraid if it gets you closer to the truth and to God. I will share this hurt in my upcoming book and go into more detail but until then, if people ask me about this study, I will tell them boldly and with no fear. I want to live a life of truth, and if you don't like me because of it, that's okay. I'm okay, I'm healing, I'm light, I'm happy, and I'm truly loved by God...